The Five Seasons
Five have been played and five have been settled. The Office has been asked on more than one occasion to revisit a result and has, on every occasion, declined. What follows is who won, who was standing in front of them, who finished twelfth, and who led the league in scoring while all three of those things were happening to other people.
Seeds, records and team names are on the Roll of Champions. The two are different cuts of the same table and neither is a copy of the other.
| Season | Champion | Denied | Twelfth | Points leader | The Office notes |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 2025 | AJ | Evan | Jordan 4-10 | Evan · 1,769.86 | Evan led the league in Points For (1769.86) and lost the final. |
| 2024 | Ronnie | Larry | Tim 4-10 | Ronnie · 1,864.12 | The only wire-to-wire title: top seed, best record, and the Points For leader (1864.12). |
| 2023 | Jordan | Ryan | Tim 2-12 | Ryan · 1,867.94 | Centerfold's 1867.94 is the highest season total on record. It lost to a 7-7 team. |
| 2022 | Tim | Justin | Ryan 2-12 | Justin · 1,749.50 | Lowest championship Points For of the five (1481.98). Justin led the league at 1749.50. |
| 2021 | Justin | Scott | Talbot 4-10 | Scott · 1,800.36 | First of the two 6-seed titles. Scott led the league in Points For (1800.36). |
The All-Time Standing
445 games have been played in this League since 2021 and until now not one of them had been added up. Here they are, added up. Ordered by wins, because wins are what the argument is about — a man who played one season and won more of it than he lost does not stand above five years of anybody, and the Office has heard the counter-argument at length from the men it would benefit.
Regular season and the winners’ bracket. The consolation bracket is not a competition and week 18 is not a week.
| Owner | Seasons | Record | Pct | Points for | Against | Margin | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Scott | 5 | 51-27 | .654 | 9,171.02 | 8,496.18 | +674.84 |
| 2 | Ronnie | 5 | 43-32 | .573 | 8,472.00 | 8,058.54 | +413.46 |
| 3 | Larry | 5 | 40-36 | .526 | 8,539.98 | 8,417.16 | +122.82 |
| 4 | Justin | 5 | 38-38 | .500 | 8,433.58 | 8,171.66 | +261.92 |
| 5 | AJ | 5 | 37-36 | .507 | 8,228.72 | 8,321.80 | −93.08 |
| 6 | Evan | 5 | 37-36 | .507 | 8,033.70 | 8,174.94 | −141.24 |
| 7 | Ryan | 5 | 35-40 | .467 | 8,110.94 | 8,115.30 | −4.36 |
| 8 | Talbot | 5 | 34-37 | .479 | 7,550.98 | 7,472.38 | +78.60 |
| 9 | Jordan | 5 | 28-45 | .384 | 7,637.96 | 8,099.16 | −461.20 |
| 10 | Tim | 4 | 28-33 | .459 | 6,082.58 | 6,476.52 | −393.94 |
| 11 | JD | 3 | 20-24 | .455 | 4,486.70 | 4,765.22 | −278.52 |
| 12 | Brendan | 2 | 15-14 | .517 | 3,172.88 | 3,169.30 | +3.58 |
| 13 | James | 2 | 11-17 | .393 | 2,844.16 | 3,048.70 | −204.54 |
| 14 | Nick | 1 | 10-5 | .667 | 1,804.28 | 1,613.84 | +190.44 |
| 15 | Dodson | 1 | 8-7 | .533 | 1,501.48 | 1,560.28 | −58.80 |
| 16 | Mike | 1 | 6-8 | .429 | 1,423.48 | 1,459.72 | −36.24 |
| 17 | Joe | 1 | 4-10 | .286 | 1,453.96 | 1,527.70 | −73.74 |
The Marks
The best and the worst of it, 2021–2025. Single-game marks pool the regular season and the winners’ bracket; season totals and runs are regular season only, which is how this league quotes a season and is not negotiable merely because a larger number is available.
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Highest week195.28Ryan (Centerfold)Week 2, 2023
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Lowest week40.80Ryan (Runnin up Taysom Hill)Week 6, 2022
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Highest season1,867.94Ryan2023, regular season
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Lowest season1,181.98Tim2024, regular season
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Biggest blowout113.24Larry over Justin179.80–66.56 · Week 9, 2024
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Closest game0.04Scott over Justin95.58–95.54 · Week 2, 2025
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Most points in a defeat148.84Ronnie (Bishop Sycamore), beaten by ScottWeek 7, 2024
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Most points in one game322.36Scott and BrendanWeek 5, 2021
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Longest winning run10Scott2021, weeks 5–14
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Longest losing run9Justin2025, weeks 6–14
The Seats
Twelve seats. Seventeen men have held one. Twelve were here at the founding and nine of those twelve still are; the three seats that came free have been filled five times between them, and the Office has stopped learning a name on arrival. Names below are the names this League uses. Nobody is listed under anything else, here or anywhere on this site.
| Owner | Seasons held | Teams |
|---|---|---|
| AJ Founder | 2021–present | Baltimore Wildcats (2021), Rafi and The Dirty Randys (2022–) |
| Evan Founder | 2021–present | Team Sambuco, Dilfer's Dimes, LaPorta Potty |
| Jordan Founder | 2021–present | Dr. Trippy, Trippy Boyz, Amon Ra Doggin yo girl |
| Justin Founder | 2021–present | The Master Baiters (all five seasons) |
| Larry Founder | 2021–present | Fire Balls (2021), Atomic Rooster (2022–) |
| Ronnie Founder | 2021–present | Phillip Rivers' 18th kid, Addison in Wonderland, Bishop Sycamore |
| Ryan Founder | 2021–present | Team Turner, Runnin up Taysom Hill, Centerfold, Netsuite heart, Koi-Free Endzone |
| Scott Founder | 2021–present | Human Claypool, CMC Music Factory, It's Henry My Dear Watson, We Are Not Worthy |
| Talbot Founder | 2021–present | Team Nicklas, Trey Lance: Lance Refrigeration |
| Tim Founder | 2021–2024 | House of Pain (all four seasons) |
| Nick Founder | 2021 only | The Bethesda Bastards |
| Brendan Founder | 2021–2022 | Mount Airy Reed, Mount Airy Bandits |
| Dodson | 2022 only | Brewed Awakening |
| Joe | 2023 only | Charley Dogg |
| JD | 2023–present | jdizzle (2023), Darby Doe (2024–) |
| James | 2024–present | Hawk-Tua, Two Girls, Golden Kupp's |
| Mike | 2025–present | Allidoiswin |
A team name is not a person. Several of you have used five, one of you has used the same one for five years, and the Office has quietly admired that the entire time.
Figures are computed from results. Nothing on this page was typed in by hand.
Where a figure here disagrees with your recollection, the Office invites you to consider which of the two was written down at the time.